["Oh, Pretty Woman" by Roy Orbison]
♪ Pretty woman ♪
♪ Walkin' down the street ♪
♪ Pretty woman ♪
♪ The kind I like to meet ♪
♪ Pretty woman ♪
♪ I don't believe you ♪
♪ You're not the truth ♪
♪ No one could look as good as you... ♪
Kau sudah mengetuk?
Vivian, aku akan mengajakmu berlibur seminggu di kota.
Ya ampun!
♪ Pretty woman... ♪
Bisakah kau berikan sampanye rasa stroberi?
Vivian?
Vivian, apa kau mau?
Ya.
- Aku akan lebih sering berpergian.
Sadarlah, Natalie. Ini hanya film.
Lupakan soal pria.
Lupakan soal cinta.
Di dunia nyata, gadis seperti kita mustahil.
Kenapa?
Berkacalah, sayang. Kita bukan Julia Roberts.
Benarkah?
Wanita itu punya senyuman yang mahal.
Dia punya rambut yang bagus.
Ya mungkin dia tak harus memutihkan kumis,
tapi bahkan dia tak punya ruang untuk kumis.
Dia hanya punya ruang kecil untuk itu.
Mereka tak pernah buat film tentang gadis seperti kita.
- Kau tau kenapa? - Kenapa?
Karena itu akan menyedihkan.
Mereka harus memasukkan obat sakit kepala ke popcorn
atau mereka harus bunuh diri karenanya.
Kau paham, Natalie, cinta bukan dongeng. Tidak ada akhir bahagia.
- Akan selalu ada akhir bahagia. - Tidak, sayang.
Seseorang mungkin menikahimu demi visa.
♪ Yeah ♪
♪ She's walkin' back to me ♪
♪ Oh, oh ♪
♪ Pretty woman ♪
Oh, Baxter, aku butuh itu. Hey.
Baxter?
Berguling. Berpura-pura mati.
Kemarilah.
Aah!
Ciuman selamat pagi untuk Mama?
Baxter?
Oh, hai, Donny.
Seseorang menempelkan surat cinta di pintuku. "Untuk si D."
Kurasa salah satu dari sekian banyak gadis yang menyukaimu.
Ya, baiklah, Aku akan berikan pada sekretarisku.
- Trims. - Oh, kau punya sekre--
- Hentikan gerobaknya! - Apa?
- Hentikan dengan badanmu! - Aku?
- Lakukan! - Tidak, aku tak bisa!
- Gerobakku berharga! - Tidak bisa!
Hentikan!
Wow!
Kau terbuat dari setruk semen.
Ya. Terima kasih.
Begitulah kata orang bilang.
Hey, Nat, tolong bantu aku, buanglah ini. Aku sangat sibuk.
Uh, aku juga... sibuk, tapi, baiklah.
Natalie, printer 3D bermasalah. Bisakah kau telfon ahli IT\?
Donna, secara teknis, kau si manajer kantornya, kan?
Benar. Katakan pada ahli ITnya, kali ini printernya mati.
Kau yang terbaik.
Selamat Pagi, Whit.
- Hey. - Pagi, bos.
- Apa dia sudah datang? - Belum datang.
Kau akan kalahkan si Lewis pagi ini.
Oke, uh, entahlah apa aku siap atau tidak, tapi...
Oh, tidak, aku belum...
- Tahan dulu, dia datang. - Mungkin seharusnya aku--
Itu klien kita yang baru?
Kenapa dia sangat tampan?
Dia sangat seksi.
Seketika ada perasaan untuk terus menggodanya,
Seperti, aku... tak bisa bersiul, tapi aku hanya, ingin...
Kawan, jangan menilai para pria di kantor ini secara objektif.
Baiklah, aku tak tahan.
Jadi, kau akan ikut diskusi ke sana?
Aku-- aku tidak tahu.
Tak ada satupun yang peduli dengan parkir garasi.
Tidak, tidak. Kau tidak boleh mundur. Ini ide yang bagus.
Entahlah. Terkadang saat aku ikut di suatu rapat penting,
mereka memotongku saat bicara dan aku tak punya ide bagus,
dan semua orang mengira aku si pengantar kopi.
Dan itu tak adil, karena kadang aku juga membawa donat.
Mungkin aku cukup kirim e-mail saja.
Oh, ya kau benar, kau bisa kirim e-mail saja.
Itu ide yang bagus, kau cukup duduk saja,
dan tak ikut rapat penting itu,
dan tak memberikan hasil kerja kerasmu.
Karena itu akan mengerikan, bukan?
- Josh! - Semua menyukai hasil kerjamu,
kemungkinan gaji naik...
respek dari semua orang.
Semua pasti akan, "Wow, Natalie,
kami suka idemu!
Kami akan memberikan seluruh kekayaan padamu!"
Josh, berhentilah bersikap bodoh!
Kau adalah arsitek terhebat di perusahaan ini
Oh, semua dengar!
Natalie?
Kau ikut dalam rapat profesional kita?
Ya, hmm... Ya, maafkan aku.
Kau bisa, Nat!
Maaf soal itu. Permisi.
Oh, trims, sayang.
Oh, tidak, itu punya--
Oh, sialan.
Siapa yang menambahkan krim pada kopi?
Bisakah kau kembalikan? Aku hanya mau kopi biasa. Trims.
Aku bukan asisten, jadi...
Arsi-- Arsitek. Aku hanya--
Ya, er... Tapi, erm...
Aku juga beperan ganda dan...
Dengan senang hati, aku akan membelikanmu lagi.
Itu akan sangat bagus.
Um, aku akan segera kembali.
Yo?
Kau menjatuhkan ini. Ini dia.
- Terima kasih. - Aku sudah mengambilnya.
Apa kau-- Oh!
- Ayolah! - Maafkan aku.
Jadi, bukannya aku ingin jadi yang 'paling' di rapat itu.
Aku tak sebagus itu.
Tapi bahkan saat kita bertemu lagi, pria sepertinya, aku takkan dianggap.
- Apa maksudmu, pria sepertinya? - Pria baik dengan hidup yang baik.
Aku pria baik. Aku berteman denganmu
Aku punya hidup yang baik
Sungguh. Aku punya mobil hybrid.
Ya, aku tahu. Aku tahu.
Tidak, kau tahu maksudku. Yang kaya raya,
sangat sukses, pria yang sangat keren.
Aku hanya orang yang tak dianggap oleh pria sepertinya.
Aku paham.
Bahkan jika dia memperhatikanmu, \kau takkan menyadarinya.
Apa maksudmu?
Artinya bahwa kau... kau buta soal cinta. Kau bahkan tak melihatnya.
- Tidak, aku tak buta. Aku hanya-- - Benar.
Aku tak butuh cinta.
- Apa? - Kau baru saja menghalangi
potensial pasangan baru tadi.
Mereka baru saja mendapatkan momennya,
tanda cinta itu muncul,
dan kau datang menghalangi mereka seperti pemain gelandang.
Berhentilah bersikap bodoh, oke?
- Oh. Apa kau berolahraga? - Ya, benar.
- Cukup keras. - Ada beberapa luka.
Hey, Whitney, bisakah kau ambilkan... Whit?
Whit?
Um... Bisakah kau berhenti menonton film di kantor
dan cukup, lakukan pekerjaanmu dan membantuku?
Ya, tentu.
Durasi filmnya tinggal, 43 menit lagi,
jadi mungkin aku akan berhenti saat film selesai lalu membantumu.
Aku tak tahu akhir filmnya. Apakah mereka akan bersama?
Filmnya berakhir seperti akhir kisah rom-kom bodoh lainnya.
Mereka bersama, dan akhirnya, itulah yang membuat si gadis bahagia.
Apa yang salah dari itu?
Karena si gadis harus bahagia dengan hal-hal yang ada di hidupnya,
seperti karir yang bagus dan dia sudah bekerja keras untuk itu.
Itu film jenis romantis-komedi.
Jenis film yang terbaik.
Maksudku, hidup bisa sangat menyedihkan.
Aku berusaha untuk semangat, lalu aku melihat berita dan aku...
Lalu aku menonton Sweet Home Alabama dan aku...
Sudahkah kau melihat film itu? Sungguh karya film luar biasa.
Karya film yang buruk.
Whitney, semua film itu bohong, ditambah dengan lagu pop yang buruk itu.
Aku suka lagu-lagunya. Dan semua film itu tak bohong.
Ah, tentu saja semua bohong.
Orang bangun tidur dengan rambut rapih dan pakai makeup.
Itu sangat tidak nyata.
Setiap mereka hanya pakai celana, dan mereka jadi terlihat luar biasa.
Ya, karena berpakaian itu menyenangkan.
Bagimu.
Bagaimana jika, selalu ada para pemeran utama,
dan dia sangat ceroboh.
Dia selalu saja... "Oh! Whoops!"
Dan orang bilang, "Dia sangat menawan."
Tidak. Di kehidupan nyata, orang berpikir dia punya masalah distrofi otot.
Kekuranganmu lah yang membuatmu cantik.
Uh, kekuranganmu lah yang membuatmu jelek. Itulah mengapa mereka disebut kekurangan.
Lalu, di dalam film-film itu,
saat ada dua wanita bekerja di tempat yang sama,
mereka harus jadi musuh bubuyutan.
Lihatlah kita. Aku menyayangimu, kupikir kau yang terbaik.
Cerita tentang dua wanita yang tak saling akur dalam pekerjaan
itu menjijikkan.
Dan ternyata, tak ada SDM di salah satu bisnis di dunia rom-kom,
karena tak ada keragaman,
dan mereka selalu tidur dengan rekan kerja.
dan jangan bahas padaku soal kisah klise sahabat gay
tujuan utamanya hanyalah untuk membantu si pemeran utama yang seksi itu.
Dan, apakah dia punya pekerjaan?
Apa yang terjadi dengan hidupnya? Siapa yang peduli?
Sangat penghinaan, bukan?
Dan mereka selalu dapat pesan suara
yang menyuruh kalian berpikir sesuatu hal tertentu.
Kau mau tau pendapatku? Bersikaplah lebih baik.
Untuk seseorang yang membenci film rom-kom,
kau pasti sangat memikirkan hal ini.
Baiklah, jangan tunggu aku.
Bagaimana jika, di akhir film-film rom-kom itu,
mereka selalu lakukan hal bodoh, seperti berlari dengan gerakan lambat?
Aah! Aah!
Mereka berusaha untuk batalkan pernikahan atau dapatkan kekasihnya lagi.
Coba tebak?
Dia tidak mencintaimu.
Itulah mengapa dia tidak bersamamu atau menikahimu.
Dia mencintaimu, dia ada untuk melengkapimu.
Boleh aku masuk? Sedang membicarakan apa?
Natalie bilang bahwa film-film rom-kom itu buruk.
Selama tiga jam.
Ya, karena mereka racun.
Apa kau bercanda?
Kau sudah lihat Notting Hill?
Kau sudah lihat 13 Going on 30?
Aku letakkan film-film itu \di kapsul waktu SMA-ku.
- Itu dia, aku suka pria ini. - Itu untuk kawan kerenku.
Kalian berdua sangat lembek.
Kau tahu, dia hanya... Dia benci akhir bahagia.
Karena itu bukan akhirnya.
Mereka hentikan ceritanya, karena jika tidak akan sangat menyedihkan.
Tak ada yang mau melihatnya.
Itu tak sehat bagi seorang gadis kecil yang menonton hal seperti itu
dan berpikir bagaimana hidupnya nanti.
Kurasa bagus diingatkan betapa indahnya cinta untuk kehidupan ini.
Tidak.
Hey, aku tahu kau membencinya, tapi ini...
♪ Karaoke night ♪
♪ Tonight ♪
- Kapan? Uh... - Malam ini. Kau mau ikut?
Atau kita bisa lakukan hal yang tak begitu memalukan.
bermain trampolin di tempat umum?
Baiklah..
seharusnya bilang saja tidak.
Um, bisakah aku... beritahu sebentar satu hal
soal film rom-kom yang kau ajari?
- Tidak. Tidak! - Ayolah.
Dengarkan aku.
- Apa? - Kau me-friendzone-kan Josh.
Tidak. Tidak, tidak.
Tidak, Josh tak menyukaiku seperti itu.
Kau yakin soal itu?
Tentu.
Kau tahu berapa kali aku melihatnya sedang
bengong melihat model psetengah telanjang di luar sana?
Kau tahu, seperti, "Ooh. Lihat, aku sangat seksi.
Aku hanya ingin pria membelikanku salad. Ooh!"
Kau tahu, tapi aku tak seperti itu, jadi tak apa. Kau paham?
Kurasa orang akan lebih mudah dekat denganmu, Natalie,
jikasaja kau lebih terbuka.
Para penumpang, kereta yang datang tidak berhenti di sini.
Harap mundur dari tepi platform.
Oh, hey.
Kau juga turun di sini?
Oh. Hai.
Namaku Jack.
Natalie. Uh, Nat, seperti serangga.
Itu lucu.
Berikan tasnya!
- Tasku! - Ayolah, berikan padaku!
Ayolah! Berikan!
Wanita sialan!
Oh! Ayolah, aku punya tiga anak kelaparan!
Kelihatannya kau paham soal itu.
Bisakah kau membantuku? Kumohon?
Aku bahkan tidak punya anak.
Kenapa hal sial selalu terjadi padaku?
["Main Theme - A Summer Place" by Max Steiner]
Wow. Kau cukup banyak muntah ya.
Uh, tidak. Um...
Aku dirampok orang sosiopat yang tak punya anak itu.
Kita harus telfon polisi,
dan mungkin aku harus membuat sketsa wajah, jadi aku--
Baiklah, pelan-pelan saja, sayang.
Dimana aku?
Kau di kamar gawat darurat.
Ini bukan kamar gawat darurat, ini set kamar Williams-Sonoma.
Baiklah, duduk kembali, istirahatlah.
Biarkan aku memeriksamu.
Oke.
Oh, ya ampun.
Ada apa?
Matamu.
Kau cukup cantik.
Apa aku sudah mati?
Kau terlalu seksi untuk jadi doktor, dan kau bilang hal mengerikan padaku.
Aku sangat menikmati waktu bersamamu.
- Kenapa? - Ya.
Tunggu. Aku tahu apa yang terjadi.
Kau bekerja sama dengan si pria subway itu.
Pertama dia membuatku pingsan, lalu kau berusaha 'tuk mencuri ginjalku!
- Apa? - Satpam! Kumohon, aku butuh bantuan!
Jika kau mau pergi,
aku harus bilang kalau bajumu sedang kacau.
Tapi jangan khawatir. Kami menemukan barangmu di tempat penemuan barang hilang.
Josh, um, bisakah kau telfon aku?
Aku dirampok dan aku tidak...
Entahlah, mungkin aku dipanen telurnya.
Entahlah. Kumohon, telfon aku kembali, oke?
Hey, wanita cantik.
Selamat pagi.
Oh.
\
Aku suka pakaianmu.
Sangat cocok.
["A Thousand Miles" by Vanessa Carlton]
Ini sangat aneh.
- ♪ Makin' my way downtown ♪ - Oh!
- Ya Tuhan! Kau baik saja? - Aaah!
Kau... Apa-apaan...
Aku minta maaf.
Mungkin supirku terpana karena kecantikanmu.
Wow, kau.. kau cukup mempesona, ya?
Kenapa sekarang kau jadi orang Australia?
- Aku orang Australia, begitulah adanya. - Tidak, tidak.
Kau bukan orang Australia pagi ini
saat kau lihat kopiku dengan lapisan krim.
Kurasa sulit dipercaya bahwa kita sudah bertemu
- dan aku tak mengingatmu. - Oh, apa yang terjadi?
Kau tak apa?
Tidak! Tidakkah kau mencium perbedaannya?
New York tak beraroma sama seperti sebelumnya.
Segalanya terasa seperti wangi lavender.
Kurasa kepalamu terbentur sesuatu.
Kenapa kita tidak cek ke dokter, mungkin? Atau mengantarmu pulang?
Ada sesuatu yang salah.
Baiklah, kenapa kau tidak, um...
Bagaimana kalau aku mengantarmu pulang? Aku takkan menyakitimu.
Ayo... ayo pulang.
Aku akan mengantarmu, oke?
Stroberi sampanye.
Dom Pérignon pernah bilang rasanya seperti bintang-bintang.
Apa kau tahu dia dulu biarawan?
Dan kita sampai.
Apa? Bagaimana... bisa kita cepat sampai di sini?
Hanya, 18 detik.
Jalanan benar-benar bersih.
Gaun-gaun pernikahan itu.
Mereka tidak di sana sebelumnya.
Dan siapa yang meletakkan semua bunga di sini?
Ooh, semoga kau diberkati.
- [sneezing] - Oh, doubles, double blessings.
- [sneezes] - Oh, three times! That's lucky.
Oh, I'm allergic.
You sure I can't get you something? Maybe a hanky or a tissue?
I think I just, erm... I need to lie down.
[chuckles] I'll be... I'll be totally fine then.
- Okay. - Erm... Uh...
Thank you, I just...
I have no idea why you're being so nice to me. I just...
I don't get it, but thanks.
Well, erm...
Hold on a second.
If you need anything,
anything at all...
don't hesitate to...
give me a call on my cellular...
telephone... device.
Yeah. That's my number.
- [ping] - That's very charming.
But you do realize there's, like...
3.6 million permutations of how this could go together?
But there's only one you, so...
Right. That doesn't really make sense.
Neither does the way I'm feelin' about you right now.
But, uh...
That still doesn't change the math, though.
Just to be clear, I cannot call you.
Are you feeling what I'm feeling?
No!
Call me!
Josh, I'm not kidding, can you call me?
Did you set this all up because I didn't go to karaoke with you?
Oh, sorry.
I just walked into the wrong apartment. Leav-- Leaving.
Sorry.
[sneezes] Oh.
[man] Thank you. These are lovely.
Holy shit.
Okay, you can come out now... [chuckles]
Whatever reality show this is.
You guys win!
I'm gonna love it, not list it. Pfft.
- Hello? - [barking]
Baxter?
Baxter, come here, pups. Come here.
Is that you, Baxter?
Pyeoo!
[whimpers]
[gasps]
You've never done that before.
- 911, what's your emergency? - [Natalie] Yeah.
I've, erm, been robbed, sort of.
Someone's broken into my apartment
and... stretched it.
And they've taken everything and...
replaced it all with much nicer stuff.
Okay, ma'am, this doesn't sound like an emergency.
This sounds like you've got it together.
- Ma'am, are you there? - [gasps]
This is every pair of shoes ever made.
I don't normally wear heels because of the uneven weight distribution,
[chuckles] but these are incredible.
And they're... they're all in my size.
So let me get this straight.
Your emergency is that your apartment is too big,
you have every shoe you could ever want,
and they all fit your cute feet.
- Yeah, exactly, that's what I-- - Bye.
[beeping]
- [screams] - [screams]
[both screaming]
- Why are we screaming? - Donny!
How did you get in here?
Someone said "Gay Beetlejuice" three times, and then I magically appeared.
How do you think I got in here?
[camply] With the key you gave me, 'cause I'm your favorite neighbor.
Why are you talking like that?
Erm, talking like what?
Like an offensive version of a gay guy.
[gasps] Miss Girl Thing Bouffant, please.
You sound and look like an alien
- who's faking being gay. - [phone buzzing]
Oh, my God! Pop a Tic Tac and move it!
You've gotta get to work to get crackin' on that big presentation!
- What presentation? - Um, I don't know.
The big presentation.
Which is what my boyfriend calls me in the sack, PS.
[chuckling]
Okay, booch, change out of whatever this is.
I'm gonna drop you off at the office on the way to my no plans whatsoever!
Oh!
I love you so much.
Can you hear me when I say that?
[whispers] How about now?
♪ Makin' my way downtown ♪
♪ Walkin' fast ♪
♪ Faces pass and I'm homebound ♪
Is this how you normally get to work?
Erm, if I had a job, yeah.
[Natalie] Are you gonna get a job?
♪ 'Cause you know I'd walk A thousand miles ♪
♪ If I could just see you ♪
Hey, Nat. Let me lighten your load and grab that for you.
Oh, uh, I wasn't fully done with that...
Hey, Natalie, your 3D printer was running a little bit slow,
so I had IT come by and step it up for you, you know?
Just preventative maintenance.
Oh, you had something fixed for me.
Yeah, I'm the office manager and you're the star architect.
How else would it be, silly?
[laughs]
[gasps] Oh, Whitney...
Oh, er... Wow, you look really, really different.
Erm, you have to explain to me what on earth is going on here.
I don't have to explain shit to you. I don't work for you.
Technically, you... Actually, you're my assistant, so...
I know you, you know...
I don't like to say "I'm the boss!" or anything, but, uh, you're my assistant.
That's literally the funniest thing I've ever heard.
- What? - Me working for you.
Let me put it in terms that you can understand.
[Australian accent] You're going down, bitch.
- [yells] Natalie! - Oh!
[laughs] Oh, I scared you so bad.
What's up? I got your message.
Thank God, you're still you.
Okay. Okay, normal.
Yep, yeah, normal Josh.
Okay, I really need your help.
What's goin' on?
I got mugged last night.
And suddenly, my apartment is tits,
and my neighbor Donny is setting gay rights back, like, a hundred years.
And Whitney is giving me resting murder face.
Nat, are you okay?
No, my dog is now clean and guys look at me in the eyes.
- See? - [chuckles] Hey, guys.
I think that's a good thing though, right?
Uh... Maybe in theory, but this is some kind of parallel universe.
This isn't our office.
Josh, it's not.
Look, it's not real.
I think I might be going crazy.
Hey, no. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. Come on.
[sobs]
Hey, it's okay.
You... [chuckles] You're a lot of things, but you are not crazy.
So...
So you see it, too.
Oh! Yeah, thank God.
I think we should get out of here before they bite us
- or impregnate us-- - Okay, yeah. Let's get you some air.
No one's gonna impregnate us. Come on.
[Natalie] See? Doesn't this all feel really weird?
Okay, you have to calm down, okay?
Just... Just take a breath
of this sweet, sweet, New York air.
Okay, you're still looking at me like I'm crazy.
Please, just don't commit me to some super beautiful insane asylum.
I don't think you're crazy.
But what you were telling me is...
a little cuckoo.
But since you are the one saying it, I believe you.
- I'll help you, okay? - Okay.
Let's figure this out.
All right, well, maybe if I retrace my steps
- from last night, we could... - [woman coughing]
Is that woman choking?
- [coughing] - [Natalie] No, she's just being dramatic.
I choke all the time.
You know when you put those candies
- in the back of your mouth and... [coughs] - Sh, sh, sh, sh.
- Josh? - [coughing]
- [Natalie] Josh? - Stand up, stand up.
[Natalie] Hey, Josh?
[woman gasps]
Is that really necessary?
[coughs violently]
- Okay. She's okay. - [panting]
Hi.
You saved my life.
I can't thank you enough.
Josh.
That is such a beautiful name.
Josssssh.
I like how you say it. Josh! [chuckles]
I don't know. I think it's kinda... ordinary.
No.
I love ordinary.
- You do? - Yes.
Okay, well, I am a very ordinary guy.
I am a seven across the board.
That's perfect.
Oh, so...
What do you do? That's a thing an ordinary guy would ask.
I'm a yoga ambassador.
Namaste.
Namaste. [laughs]
But my real job is... I'm a swimsuit model.
- That makes sense. - But really, I'm a role model.
Because I believe in giving back to the underprivileged.
I'm underprivileged.
- All right! Oh! Oh, hey! - You're so...
- Hey! - You're so funny!
Oh, oh. Sorry. Hey. This is my best friend, Natalie.
Natalie, this is...
- Isabella Stone. - You're from the...
- Hi. - You're from the billboard.
- You are? - You are from the billboard.
- So who are you? - Natalie.
Good to meet you. Um, I... I...
I don't... I can't believe I'm gonna do this, but...
Would a man like you ever...
have a drink with a girl like me?
Oh, let me think about it.
Yes. I will meet you back at the office.
- Really? - Yeah.
- Wait. - Okay, great.
- Let me get my bag. - Josh.
- Technically, you almost died. - Yeah, I did.
- You saved me. - Josh? Josh? We have to make the plan.
I just wanna make sure she's okay.
She's fine.
She... She's laughing, she's fine.
Yeah, and also, you don't know her.
Why not be open to something new, right?
See ya.
Er... er...
[yelps]
Hey.
Oh, I'm so-- I'm sorry. I-- Uh...
- You must think I'm-- - Adorable.
[shrieks]
[Natalie] Okay, get a grip.
Let's just think about this.
I have an amazing apartment and a super cute dog.
A gay sidekick.
I have a great job, but the only woman that works with me
has now become my mortal enemy.
Oh!
I keep falling down all the time.
And I'm talking to myself out loud.
- I think I'm trapped in a... - [reversing alarm]
- My life has become a... - [reversing alarm]
Come on!
What did I do to deserve this?
- My life's become a... - [reversing alarm]
...romantic comedy!
[groans]
- And it's... PG-13! - [reversing alarm]
Excuse me. I need your help.
I need the surveillance footage from last night,
so I can find my mugger, so that, um, he can fight me a little bit,
knock me unconscious,
and then I can leave this unbearable romantic world.
I don't know what you're talkin' about. You sound crazy as hell.
Please.
I just need access to the surveillance footage.
Well, you ain't getting the surveillance footage.
- Why not? - Get away from me. You're crazy as hell.
[yelps]
[groans]
[woman laughs]
Hey! Oh...
- Hi. - Erm...
Hey. Erm...
Can you please mug me?
Yeah, just go for it, and drag me around for a while,
and then I'll knock myself unconscious.
Mother warned me.
- No. What? No-- - Excuse me.
Oh! It's easy!
You! You look like you're prone to violence.
Come on, mug me.
- What? No! - Yeah, like that.
I'll go, like, "Shitbag," and then I'll knock myself cold.
What? What's wrong with everybody?
Look at you guys!
This isn't real!
Oh, I hate this place. I hate this place!
- It's too... delightful! - [PA chimes]
[man on PA] This train is not stopping
- at the station. - Okay, fine!
If nobody wants to hit me...
[train brakes screeching]
...then maybe this will knock me back to my dull, ordinary life.
Officer Hansom?
I didn't wanna be saved.
I'm not saving you.
- I'm arresting you. - What for?
Jumping the turnstile.
Let's go.
[groans]
My hands are right on your junk.
[police officer] This way.
- There's your phone, Princess. - Erm, give me my cell phone
so I can type the number in.
- You've gotta use this phone. - You're kidding, right?
I don't know anybody's numbers off by heart.
- Pretend it's 1995. - Great.
I can call my dead nana or the house I lived in when I was 12.
One call, time's tickin'.
All right, I'm thinking, I'm thinking.
If you need anything, anything at all, here is my number.
- All right? - [ping]
Oh.
This probably won't work.
Unless you believe in the power of love or some bullshit, but it's worth a try.
Here goes.
[kisses]
Oh.
[ringing tone]
[sighs]
Y'ello, Blake speaking.
So dumb!
Erm, thanks for coming to get me.
Are you kidding? I was so excited to hear from you.
I mean, even though it was to bail you out of jail. Pretty cool.
Normally, I'd be so excited to hear
that someone like you is so excited to hear from someone like me, but...
Tell me what's goin' on. I'm a good listener, I've got very big earholes.
I can't. You'd... you'd have me committed.
Come on, you can tell me anything you want, anything at all.
Except that you think koalas are the cutest things ever.
They have chlamydia and are actually quite hostile,
so stay away from 'em, all right?
Anyway, let's hear it.
Okay.
I hit my head really hard...
and I woke up in this alternate universe.
Okay.
And things are supposed to be better,
but it's actually worse because people are treating me like I'm special.
- Yeah. - Yeah.
And I'm not special.
Still waters run deepest, don't they?
What?
God, there's so much more I wanna know about you.
No, see, you're not understanding.
This isn't a real world.
This is, like, the Matrix for lonely women.
[phone buzzing]
Hold that thought. It's my father calling from Singapore.
You know how it is.
[sighs]
I have to get out of here.
[sighs] How do I get to the end?
[whimpers]
[Natalie] I was beginning to wonder
if there was another way out of this world.
If I was in a romantic comedy, then...
maybe I needed someone to fall in love with me.
[Blake laughs]
Fine.
If I have to do this,
I guess it could be worse than a super hot billionaire.
Natalie, I am so sorry, but, uh... I have to run back to the office
- and put out some fires. [chuckles] - Oh.
- Whooosh! - [chuckles]
But, erm... why don't you do me a favor,
and, uh, have dinner with me later, okay?
I'll send a car for you.
Great. That'd be... wonderful.
Great!
I'll see you later.
That was easy enough.
Oh, wa-- Oh, wait, hang on, what time?
And what... what should I wear?
I need to... What's the name of the restaurant?
I like to look it up before,
so I can decide what I want from the menu!
And do they even have a dessert selection? Wait!
Okay, what am I gonna wear?
Can't dob it up like I do on the usual.
[sighs]
Oh, I know who'll know.
- Donny? - Yes?
- Jesus! - No.
But I'd love to turn water into a pinot grig'.
[chuckles] So, what's the update?
Er, I have to go on a date with that big, fancy Blake guy,
and, um... make him fall in love with me.
What?
Are you serious? Oh, my God!
Oh, my God!
Oh, my God. Oh, my God!
Oh, my God. Okay. Okay.
[squeals] Oh, my God! Oh, my God!
I'm so happy for you.
Oh, my God. Oh. This is it.
Oh, my God, this is it, this is the moment.
This is the moment I've been training for my entire life.
- Okay... - [loud pop music plays]
Where is that music... Oh, no.
Okay. I think we're being dragged into some dumb makeover montage.
You wanna do a makeover montage?
No, no. I hate trying on clothes.
Oh, my God, yes, we should definitely try on clothes.
I'm not trying on different things
and coming out and going, "What do you think?"
No! No! No!
[sighs]
Wow.
Natalie, you look beautiful.
No, I just threw this together. [chuckles]
Just... It only took, like, five hours.
To the forces of destiny that brought us together tonight.
Well, you invited me and sent the car, so...
[chuckles]
That's... that's very sweet, though.
Shall we?
♪ Do-be-do-be-do-do-do ♪
♪ Oh ♪
♪ Do-be-do-be-do-do-do ♪
♪ Oh ♪
♪ Do-be-do-be-do-do-do... ♪
This is so fancy.
What are these tablecloths made of?
They're, like, so soft.
What's it smell like?
[sniffs]
- Like fetal alpaca. - Mm-hm.
That's exactly what it is.
- [laughs] - Uno momento, signore.
Io sono qui.
Natalie, this is Giovanni.
Ah! Piacere.
He's the chef at Sfoglia,
but he was kind enough to cook us dinner tonight.
Well, thank you.
This is honestly, like, the best meal I've had in my whole entire life.
Oh! Bellissima!
You are so welcome.
More gnocchi?
Oh, yes-cchi.
[both laughing]
I'm a boss at food puns.
Signorina... dessert.
Ah, grazie, ma no.
- Ah. Buona notte, signorina. - Oh, wait...
Erm... Er... I... I think we're about to have our first fight.
I'm just trying to extend this date for as long as possible.
And it just so happens I know of a great old ice-cream shop in Red Hook.
If you wanna dock and maybe take a stroll?
Ah, funny, my Fitbit sometimes vibrates and says, "Wanna stroll?"
But when you say it, I don't wanna smash you.
Oh, good.
♪ No more I love you's ♪
Oh, my God, Natalie, I am so sorry.
I was sure they'd be open this late.
Look, we can just look through the window, and, erm...
if you look hard enough, I think we can see the flavors
and then just imagine eating it.
- ♪ The language is leaving me ♪ - [rattling]
- What are you doing? - [Blake] Shh. It's okay.
I'll leave a hundred in the tip jar.
There we go.
Come on.
[Natalie] All right, what's your favorite ice-cream flavor of all time?
[Blake] Hm.
[Natalie] The big one.
- Ah, I'll tell you... - Mm?
But you have to promise you won't make fun of me.
- Okay. - Butter pecan.
What?
Who likes butter pecan? What's wrong with you?
- That's what I thought would happen. - You're like an 80-year-old grandpa.
- Right. - Okay.
What's your second favorite ice-cream flavor?
Rum raisin.
- No! That's even worse. - Yeah. I know.
It's been a lifelong source of insecurity for me.
- Ah. - In grade school I was teased about it
so mercilessly that I went a solid decade
where I only ate ice cream in the privacy of my own home.
[chuckles]
I can just imagine you sitting at home, like...
- Yep. - "Mm, butter pecan."
Underneath the bed.
You know, the Buddhists say...
that if you meet someone...
and your heart pounds
and your hands shake and your knees go weak,
that that's not the one.
When you meet your soulmate, you'll feel completely calm.
♪ Do-be-do-be-do-do-do ♪
- [sighs] - ♪ Oh ♪
I feel very calm right now.
How about you?
[siren wailing]
I feel like we're about to get arrested.
Yep, we should probably go.
[Natalie laughs]
[Blake] I had an amazing time tonight.
So did I. [chuckles]
I'm just, like... I've never had a night like this before.
Oh!
- Oh... - [thunder rumbles]
Rain. Hah!
Really? That's so cliché...
Normally, I'd call bullshit on this--
I know this might sound crazy...
- Yeah. ...'cause we've only just met,
- but I love-- - Whoa!
No, no, no, no, don't. Don't say anything yet.
I can't go back to real life without...
- What do you mean? Without what? - Without, you know...
[gasps]
- Oh. - Yeah.
Oh, God.
Oh...
♪ Never seen you looking so lovely As you did tonight ♪
[birdsong]
♪ I've never seen you shine so bri-- ♪
[chiming]
Good morning, beautiful.
Last night was amazing.
You know, I was just thinking in the shower,
when I look at the world through your eyes,
it's like I'm seeing it for the first time.
Natalie, I love--
Wait, wait, wait. Erm, hold that thought, don't say another word.
Just... Just get back into bed.
I don't think we actually did anything.
- It just cut to the next morning. - What?
Just get back here.
Okay.
♪ Never seen you looking so lovely As you did tonight ♪
[birdsong]
♪ I've never seen you shine so-- ♪
[chiming]
Good morning, beautiful.
Last night was amazing.
You know, I was just thinking in the shower,
when I look at the world through your eyes,
it's like I'm seeing it for the first time.
Natalie, I lo-- Oof!
♪ Never seen you looking so lovely As you did tonight ♪
♪ I've never-- ♪
[chiming]
- [birdsong] - Ugh!
Good morning, beautiful.
Last night was amazing.
- I was just thinking in the shower... - In the shower, yeah.
...when I look at the world through your eyes,
it's like I'm seeing it for the first time.
If I can't have sex, I'm at least taking this nice purse with me.
This little koala thing, it looks expensive.
Yeah, all right, give it to me.
Natalie...
I love you.
Wh--
Er... Can you just say that one more time?
- What? - Er...
[chuckles] You know how us girls are.
We love hearin' it. Just say it. Say it again.
Natalie...
I...
love...
you.
- Mo... - [alarm bleeping]
[man] Thank you so much. I've been looking for one of those.
[elevator dings]
Well, check you out.
Oh. Whitney.
Whoa, check you out.
Ballsy move not showing up to work
the entire week before the big presentation.
This seems incredibly unnecessary, okay?
Just 'cause we're two female colleagues, we don't automatically have to be enemies.
We marched together, remember?
We had that great sign. Girls Just Wanna Have Fun-damental Human Rights.
Whitney?
Whitney, what are you doing? We're friends.
Whitney, come on, we shared a T-shirt.
And I stretched it out and you said, "You can have that one now."
I was like, "Score."
Natalie, we're so glad you're here.
- Oh. - So, we have three days
before the presentation.
Give us your big idea for the hotel.
But I... I... I don't, erm... design the whole hotels.
I normally, erm, just do the parking garages.
[chuckles] You're our star architect, come on.
Give us your vision.
I do-- I don't really have a... erm--
She's got nothing.
Erm... [sighs]
It's a surprise.
Yeah.
And you're saving the best
for the actual presentation, and I applaud that.
- Whoo! Natalie! - [man] Yeah!
- [Josh] Comin' through with it... - [laughter]
Natalie!
[birdsong]
[doorbell rings]
It's open.
Since when do you use the doorbell, Donny?
Hey.
So, figured you're probably workin' so hard you forgot to eat.
I got us a little Mister Wongs.
Oh, my God, I'm starving. I love you.
So...
show me what you've been workin' on.
Erm... Okay, do you remember that parking garage idea?
- Erm... - Uh-huh.
Erm...
I just kind of ran with it.
Nat, this is so like you.
Hm... To waste so much time on a dumb idea.
No.
No, to come up with, like, the best, most original idea, just like that.
Clearly, you don't need my help,
so I'll... I'll just be leavin'.
Uh, no, don't go.
I could... I could really use your help on this.
And...
you know, er... use your company.
Thank God, because I really want those soup dumplings.
No way! They're mine!
- You just said you brought them for me! - Oh, okay.
- Oh! - [both laughing]
- [screams] - Ever seen Friends?
They don't fight over soup dumplings.
They share them, okay?
Here.
- Oh... Mm! They smell so good. - Mm! So does this.
Uh... [chuckles]
I should go get cleaned up.
I was just in the subway. I might have Zika virus or something.
Is that still a thing?
[Natalie] I was beginning to wonder if I've gotten it all wrong.
Maybe it wasn't Blake who needed to fall in love with me.
And do I look cute in these side braids?
You say somethin'?
[mumbling]
-[laughs] I can't--
Aren't you supposed to be hanging out with her?
[mumbling] I can't understand you 'cause your mouth is full.
Look at these. They're incredible.
Mm!
[groaning] Mmmm!
Mm! Mm!
Oh, my God, okay.
- You sound like you're having a... - Mmm!
[groans]
[whimpers]
- Don't. No, stop it! - [moaning]
You're such an idiot!
- Stop it. - [laughs]
Ohhhh...
- [thumps table] - Oh, my God.
I'll have what he's having.
- [laughs] Yummo! - Blake, what is...
Is he helping you with your project too? That...
That does seem cool, since he's the one that makes the decision.
Oh, are you guys together? I didn't know.
I should've... I was gonna say something earlier.
We just... erm...
I've just been, erm, seeing Blake a little bit.
- You didn't tell me? - Come on. Don't undersell it, babe.
I love this beguiling woman.
- I love you. [growls playfully] - Ah...
Dumplings!
Well, you know, I don't wanna be the...
third wheel here, so I'm gonna get goin'.
Enjoy the food.
Ah.
He seems sweet.
Someone should tell him not to wear a brown belt with black shoes, though.
It's tacky.
[birdsong]
[Blake] Natalie, have you ever heard of a man called Gandhi?
[Natalie] Erm... Yes.
[Blake] He once said that true happiness
was when what you think, what you say, and what you do
are in perfect harmony.
Isn't that great?
Yeah, it's so cool you know all these sayings by heart, Blake.
Yeah, well, it's a gift.
Josh?
And choking supermodel.
- Choking yoga ambassador, actually. - [chuckles]
- That's not a real thing. - Hey.
So, here, let me introduce you. Isabella.
- Hi. - Izzie!
Blake, how are you?
I was gonna introduce you but you know... know each other. Okay.
- Yeah! - You didn't tell me
the guy you were seeing was Nat's assistant.
- Stop. He's an architect. - Oh...
- Well, project manager. - Architect.
He... seems soft.
He is.
Oh, my God, how did you know I called him Mush?
Mush, you have to do that thing that I love, when you do.
- [Josh] Uh... - Come on. Do it.
- Maybe not right now. - Do it. Do it, do it!
Okay. [grunts]
Oh, look at that!
- There's so much of it! - [groaning]
I'm a little mushball.
- Cute! - Just... She loves my neck fat.
I just-- You know, I love cake, so...
- [Isabella laughs] - So, how do you two know each other?
- Oh, Blake and I? - Uh, let me guess.
You guys met at some fabulous yacht party.
[chuckles]
Actually, it was a really disappointing yacht party.
- You remember that? - It was the worst yacht party ever!
- [Isabella] It was terrible. - [Blake] Oh!
But, speaking of great parties,
you guys have to come to the Hamptons this weekend.
We're having a few of my friends over
at my charming little beach house.
[Blake] That sounds lovely.
Well, I was gonna take my helicopter out anyway, so...
So funny. I was gonna offer you guys a ride in my helicopter.
That's so sweet, darling, but better we take our own.
Nat and I might wanna hit the, er, old Caperoo, if you know what I mean.
- Oh, I know what you mean. I see you. - I... I don't. What does that mean?
[Isabella chuckles]
You two have such amazing chemistry.
Maybe we should swap.
[chuckles]
- She's joking. Yeah, she's joking. - What?
Well, what do you think? Hamptons?
You had me at hello-copter.
[birdsong]
[Natalie sighs]
This lobster...
is the size of a cat.
Yet it's...
as tender as a marshmallow.
[chuckles] "Tender as a marshmallow."
[sighs] You are beguiling.
Did you just learn that word? 'Cause you tend to say it a lot.
If you want me to stop saying it, I will.
But you're gonna have to stop being so damn beguiling.
- [phone buzzes] - Oh. Sorry, it's my father.
Y'ello?
[Josh] It's so good to see you guys. Thanks for coming.
Thank you. Thank you.
Okay. Oh, you're squeezing some too, yeah.
Okay, we're gettin' it. Oh.
- [Josh] Oh, God. - [clattering]
- [yelps] Oh! - There you go. Get on you...
Phew.
- Hey. - Hey.
So, you and Blake are kind of a thing, huh?
- Well, you and Isabella... - [chuckles]
- I know. - Huh?
Who'd have thought that me and you would both end up with just, like...
perfect humans?
- Yeah. It's... - Crazy.
- [chuckling] Yeah, really... really crazy. - Yeah.
Aah.
You know what's funny?
The fact that all those rich ladies have crabs?
Well, yes, that is funny.
But, at one point, I thought it would actually be me and you
that would end up together.
You did?
Yeah, in the beginning.
Well, why didn't you ask me out, then?
Why don't... why don't you just, like, ask me out right now?
[laughs] I did.
All the time. You'd always say no.
You'd shoot me down, and...
And then we became such good friends, so...
What are you talking about?
Uh... I never shot you down.
I asked you out, like, a million times.
For, like, drinks at happy hour after work,
or to go to the karaoke bar with your kickball team.
I didn't wanna sit there and listen to you chat about some girl you had a crush on.
Okay, why do you say kickball team like it's a bad thing? Hm?
The New York Kick Bockers are elite level athletes.
- [laughs] - It's true.
- I'm a jock out there. I'm a jock. - Come on!
- You are such an idiot. - [Isabella] Mush?
Mush?
Hey. Be right there.
Are you comfortable with that nickname?
It seems kind of like a negative.
Oh, you don't like it?
I think it's kind of cute. Hurts to do, but it's kind of cute, right?
- [clears throat] - It's time! Okay.
Attention, everyone.
[Josh] Eyes up here.
Hi, everyone, and thank you so much for coming to this modest little thing
we threw together last minute. [chuckles]
I think we all know the story of how Isabella and I met,
but I will tell it again.
I was walking.
Yeah, with me, his best friend. I'm... I'm his best friend, so...
Yep, I was just walking,
and I saw this beautiful woman choking, so--
- Like... [gags] - Yeah.
So I ran up to her...
and gave her the Heimlich...
and then she gave me her heart.
[all] Aww!
That's gross.
Isabella, you are totally...
and utterly yourself.
And you are so confident,
and you're never afraid to go after what you want.
And even though I am so not worthy...
[laughter]
From Wayne's World.
[laughs]
It's crazy that...
that what you want is me.
- I do. - [all] Awww!
Which is why this is not just a party.
♪ Ba-ba-da! ♪
Surprise! It's our wedding!
We're getting married!
- What the f-- - [pops]
So we're getting married tomorrow, and tonight we're going into town
- for some karaoke! - [Josh] Coming! Karaoke tonight!
[cheering and laughter]
[Pachelbel's Canon in D Major plays]
God, what was the theme of this wedding? Easter at Elton John's house? [chuckles]
Donny, wh-- How the hell did you get here?
- Um... - Come here.
I stole your password and then I used Find My iPhone.
And then I took a bus here like an animal. Oh, my goodness.
I sat next to a woman eating spaghetti out of a Ziploc bag. Uh, no.
- Okay. I don't need the play-by-gay. - And then--
It's Josh. It was never Blake.
- [gasps] - Okay, I have to get together with Josh.
Oh, my God.
Yeah, and the weirdest thing just happened.
He just said to me that he thought we'd always end up together.
But now he's getting married.
What? So the best friend you've always had a ton of chemistry with
is the guy for you?
Oh, my God, who could've seen that coming?
Except every single person ever of all time?
- Oh, well, sorry. - Okay.
I got distracted by Blake's wealth,
- and his face and his, um... giant penis. - [chokes]
Okay, caller, please hold.
I thought you said you two couldn't have sex.
Erm... No, we can't, but...
- Of course I had to sneak a peek. - That's my booch.
Once or twice. "Sorry, I'm just going to the toilet."
Oh, my God.
- Yes. - Mental picture. Mental picture.
That is a sexy move.
Okay, the point is...
- it's Josh, okay? - Yeah.
And it was always Josh.
'Cause he's such a nerd and he's so sweet and...
he just... like, he really gets me,
and that one time when I thought he was moving away forever...
I cried all night.
And I never ever told him.
On a scale of baguette to surface-to-air missile, how giant are we talking?
- Seriously? - Mm-hm.
It'll help determine the advice that I give you.
I don't know, it's, like, the size of a pepper grinder.
The kind you have at home? The kind a waiter has to bring over?
The kind that the waiter has to bring over.
[gasps]
My God.
I-- I've swallowed my tongue.
You don't tell somebody you thought you'd end up together...
the night before your wedding, unless you're having second thoughts.
- Mm-mm. No. - So I can't let him marry
that beautiful creature.
No.
I have to stop that wedding.
You are so totally right, you should totally stop this wedding!
- I'm stopping this wedding. - Oh, my God, do it. Do it, booch.
♪ Lift your open hand ♪
♪ Strike up the band And make the fireflies dance ♪
♪ Silver moon sparkle... ♪
Ooh, very high! Very high.
♪ Me ♪
For my fiancé.
- Tequila shot time! - Whoo!
♪ Just kiss me ♪
- [applause] - Who are those for?
Me and you...
and...
me and you.
[chuckles] I was... I was afraid of that.
Let's just get wasted and make some bad decisions tonight.
- [Isabella] Josh? - Instead of tomorrow.
Josh?
- Hey! - Song's up.
Natalie, hi! Erm...
You're next. Come on up.
- I'm good. - Hey, honey, you don't understand.
She hates karaoke,
despises it more than, like, anything in the world.
I guess besides presenting your work at big meetings,
my cool guy face.
I feel like you hate kind of everything, don't you?
It's okay, Natalie, I understand.
Some people are just not meant for the spotlight.
It's okay.
Uh... No, I ca-- I can give it a go.
- Really? I've never seen you sing before. - Oh, my God.
- Mm... - Do it!
- I've sung before... - Do it! Do it!
- You don't need to drink. You can just... - I'm gonna give it a shot.
- Ooh, you're givin' it a shot. Aren't you? - Okay, go for it, Natalie!
- This should be interesting. - Love this.
[Isabella clapping]
[feedback squeals]
- [feedback squeals] - ♪ The... ♪
No, okay, sorry.
Sorry, guys.
♪ The clock strikes upon the hour ♪
♪ And the sun begins to fade ♪
- [crackling] - [music stops]
♪ Still enough time to figure out ♪
♪ How to chase my blues away ♪
[shakily] ♪ I've done all right up to now ♪
♪ It's the light of day That shows me how ♪
- -♪ But when the night falls ♪ - [ice rattling]
- ♪ My loneliness calls ♪ - [shaking loudly]
[all] ♪ Oh, I wanna dance with somebody ♪
♪ I wanna feel the heat with somebody ♪
♪ Yeah, I wanna dance with somebody ♪
- ♪ With somebody who loves me ♪ - [backing track starts up]
- [backing track] ♪ Yeah, yeah ♪ - Yeah!
Whoo!
♪ Ooh ♪
♪ Aah ♪
♪ Uh ♪
♪ I've been in love and lost my senses ♪
♪ Spinnin' through the town ♪
♪ Sooner or later, the fever ends ♪
♪ And I wind up feeling down ♪
♪ I need a man who'll take a chance ♪
♪ On a love that burns Hot enough to last ♪
♪ So when the night falls ♪
Whoa! [muffled] ♪ My lonely heart calls ♪
♪ Oh, I wanna dance with somebody ♪
- ♪ I wanna feel the heat with somebody ♪ - ♪ Aah! Aah! ♪
♪ Yeah, I wanna dance with somebody ♪
♪ With somebody who loves me ♪
♪ Somebody who ♪
- ♪ Somebody who ♪ - ♪ Yeah! ♪
♪ Somebody who loves me, yeah ♪
♪ Somebody who ♪
- ♪ Somebody who ♪ - ♪ Aah! ♪
♪ To hold me in his arms, oh ♪
♪ I need a man who'll take a chance ♪
♪ On a love that burns Hot enough to last ♪
♪ So when the night falls ♪
♪ My lonely heart calls ♪
♪ Oh, I wanna dance with somebody ♪
- ♪ I wanna feel the heat ♪ - ♪With somebody ♪
♪ Yeah, I wanna dance with somebody ♪
♪ With somebody who loves me ♪
♪ Oh, I wanna dance with somebody ♪
- ♪ I wanna feel the heat ♪ - ♪ With somebody ♪
- ♪ Yeah, I wanna dance with somebody - ♪ Ooh! ♪
♪ Uh! Come on ♪
♪ With somebody who loves me ♪
♪ Don't you wanna dance? Say you wanna dance ♪
- ♪ Don't you wanna dance? ♪ - ♪ Yeah! ♪
♪ Don't you wanna dance? Say you wanna dance ♪
- ♪ Don't you wanna dance? ♪ - ♪ Yeah! ♪
♪ Don't you wanna dance? Say you wanna dance ♪
♪ Don't you wanna dance? ♪
♪ Whoo-hoo-hoo ♪
♪ With somebody who loves me ♪
- [cheering and applause] - Whoo!
Oh!
Oh, yes! [laughs]
[Natalie] How did everyone know the choreography?
[Josh] That was weird.
It doesn't make any sense.
Honestly, you know what makes no sense?
Is marrying someone you just met.
I knew you were gonna be weird about this.
Because it's weird.
We met under, like, really intense circumstances.
You know, it, like... like, speeds things up.
That's dopamine, that's your brain on drugs.
- Aah... - It is.
What are you gonna do when the drugs wear off?
I don't know. We'll...
figure it out.
Don't you wanna figure it out with someone you really know?
I guess that's why they say you should marry your best friend.
Maybe in a different world.
I should get goin'.
Big day tomorrow.
Yeah.
Yep, big day.
[Blake] Oh, that's so great, Dad. I'm so glad you love it.
You're right, it is innovative. And I came up with it all by myself.
I'll fill in the architects and they can work up the official plans and models.
Okay? Goodbye.
- [seagulls calling] - [sighs]
Oh, good morning, beautiful.
Are they my plans?
[sighs]
God, you look beautiful in the morning light.
Were you just pitching my idea and passing it off as your own?
No.
Well, I saw them when I was in your apartment.
And the idea was for me, so... whose idea is it, really? [chuckles]
- Mine. - Whoa. Hey.
Don't know where all this crazy assertiveness is coming from.
Let's be honest, you weren't gonna be able to pitch it to me now anyways.
- Yeah, I was. Why wouldn't I? - No, you... No, you weren't.
Darling, now that you're with me, you're not gonna be working anymore.
My girl, slumming it in the realm of the employed? Not on my watch.
Mmm... I like being an architect.
Come on, don't be silly.
We should also, at some point, talk about changing your name.
You're really projecting. You think, what, we're gonna get married?
[chuckles] Well, yes.
And obviously, we'll change your last name.
But no, I'm talking about your first name. Natalie?
I really don't think it's gonna work in my circles.
So I was thinking Georgina.
What do you think? Georgina? [chuckles]
- You are... - Beguiling.
...horrible.
You're a horrible person.
Okay, I... I think you're just tired, darling. Why don't you go back to bed?
Why don't you piss off?
[sighs]
It is so sad...
to watch someone you love go mad with ambition.
- Do you know who said that? - No.
And now you never will.
I could Google it.
Erm... Where are you going?
- Home, booch. - Home?
- The wedding starts in, like, 20 minutes. - Uh, yeah.
- I don't give a shit. - What?
I tried to just be open.
I tried to get Josh to fall in love with me,
but that's not on the cards.
Not for a girl like me. Mm-mm.
Not even in this dumb, perfect world.
[sighs]
You know, when I was younger...
I was so afraid to put myself out there for love
that I became this quirky little queen
that just followed all my handsome gay guy friends around.
Like I was a pilot fish. Ugh!
And I would make 'em laugh,
and I would find, like, the best parties to go to,
and I would always comfort them when their hearts were broken.
But you know what nobody ever knew?
That my heart...
was constantly broken.
Constantly.
I mean, and how could they?
I never let them see it.
And it wasn't until I met this palm reader in Ibiza,
and she said to me, she said...
"You can search the entire universe...
and never find a being more worthy of love...
than yourself."
So that's why I'm such the happy little whore that I am today.
[chuckles] 'Cause I love my bitchy little ass.
[sighs]
Who do you love, Natalie?
Josh.
I've never had the chance to tell him that.
I need to tell him that.
Right now. Erm...
Oh, I'm never gonna make it. But I have to try.
Oh, my God, of course. Why am I so dumb?
It was always gonna come down to running to stop the wedding!
Well, then, you run, girl.
You run like a sexy 18-year-old in a coming out novel
who just realized that they're in love with their theater partner, Ryan.
Get it!
♪ Those days of warm rains ♪
♪ Come rushing back to me ♪
♪ Say it, say it again ♪
♪ I love you, always, forever ♪
♪ Near and far, closer together ♪
♪ Say you'll love, love me forever ♪
♪ Never stop, never, whatever ♪
♪ Near and far and always... ♪
[slowed] Slow motion.
Soooo dumb.
♪ Never stop, never, whatever ♪
♪ Near and far and always ♪
♪ And everywhere and every ♪
♪ Say you'll love, love me forever ♪
♪ Never stop, never, whatever ♪
♪ Near and far and always ♪
♪ And everywhere and everything ♪
- Stop! - [all gasp]
- Natalie? - Josh.
[panting] Oi, I just need one second. Sorry.
I basically just ran, like, a half marathon.
Oh, with no sports bra.
- [congregation murmuring] - Natalie, what are you doing?
I'm here to stop the wedding.
[all gasp]
Don't worry, everyone, it's, erm...
She's clearly out of breath and her mind.
Are you feeling okay, honey?
'Cause you know, he's mine, right?
We have a... soul connection.
[all] Awww!
Er, no, she doesn't even know Josh.
What? Of course I know Josh.
[laughing] Really?
Uh, what's his favorite vegetable, then?
Well, that's random. No one has a favorite vegetable.
See? She doesn't even know Josh. It's tableside guac.
That's not even a real vegetable.
It is to him.
Technically, it is. It's avocados, smashed.
- Stop it. - Sorry.
[Natalie] Josh.
I know I don't have legs for days,
and I'm not some yoga... whatever the sh--
Yoga ambassador. A yoga ambassador.
Ambassadors are for countries, not for stretching.
Josh. Look...
I know you think Isabella is the girl of your dreams.
[sighs] But what if you're wrong?
Nat...
Okay, yeah, I'll never look like her.
But...
I'm smart and kind and funny
and...
I'm passionate about work,
and I'm really weirdly good at karaoke.
Josh...
You should choose me, you should love me.
Because I love...
[sighs] I love...
I love me.
Holy crap.
I love me.
Oh, my God, this whole time,
I thought I had to get somebody else to fall in love with me, but I...
I had to love me.
[sighs]
Okay, I'm just gonna go.
Just to be clear, you're not still stopping the wedding?
No, just go-- carry on.
You guys, erm... Yeah, do your thing.
I'm gonna do me. Good luck with everything.
I don't have high hopes for what's going on there.
Josh and Iz, what's their couple name gonna be? Jiz?
- [congregation murmuring] - [chuckles] Love!
It's crazy, right?
I guess I don't really have a choice, do I?
♪ Makin' my way downtown, walkin' fast ♪
- ♪ Faces pass and I'm homebound ♪ - Whoo!
[Natalie] As I drove away,
I began to realize that loving yourself is...
There's something there--
[man] Okay.
Looks like someone got a pretty bad bonk on the head.
Bonk? No, no, no, no, no.
You're too hot to be a doctor.
How can I still be stuck here?
Get out of here. Wrong room.
Sorry, they're shooting a Law & Order SVU here today,
and he's just doin' some research.
God, I should have been a TV doctor.
This totally blows, I'm buried in lawsuits...
You got mugged in the subway.
- I... I did? - Yeah.
You were in a medically-induced coma for about 18 hours.
Am I... Am I okay?
Can I leave now?
If I say yes and I'm wrong... will you sue me?
- No. - Well, then my answer's yes.
Here, can you just... erm...
What are you doing with that?
Fuck!
Oh, did you hear that?
Yeah.
Aaah! Yes!
New York is a shithole again!
♪ Breakout ♪
Taxi!
♪ When explanations make no sense ♪
♪ When every answer's wrong ♪
♪ You're fighting with lost confidence
♪ All expectations gone... ♪
My apartment's shitty again!
Yeah!
Ah! Baxter!
I'm back, and you're back to normal!
Hey, Baxter? Pyeow!
Baxter, play dead.
Close enough.
- ♪ You're down to earth ♪ - ♪ Break down the walls ♪
♪ Break down... ♪
Donny!
You're still here!
Mm.
Come on, frittatas are up.
Oh, no. You're still gay, you must be trapped.
Wait, what? What do you mean, trapped?
I've been gay for forever.
What? What about all those girls that come to the apartment?
I sell weed, and we live like a block from an all-girls school.
- Did you not know that? - Huh?
Oh, right, 'cause gay guys can't be drug dealers.
- That's offensive. - Yeah.
[camply] You like your gay guys to talk like this? Is that it?
- You want 'em to talk like this? - Mm-hm!
Yeah, do you wanna go out to Fire Island?
- Yeah, are you a Virgo, like me? - Mm-hm!
Okay, we're real, this is how we are.
Thank you.
Do you want weed?
Hey, Nat. I'm running late to a meeting. Can you clean this up for me?
Erm, I have things to do and places to be, so why don't you clean that shit up?
Oh, yeah.
[Donna] Natalie, you won't believe it.
The 3D printer is down again. Can you call--
You? Call you? Is that what you were gonna ask me?
You're the person to call when something breaks in the office.
- No, actually, I was gonna-- - Sorry, one second, I'm just gonna call.
Donna, hi, it's Natalie.
Yeah, can you do your goddamn job? [clicks]
[Natalie] Oh, Whitney.
- Oh, my God! Hi! - Hi.
I know it was only like one day,
but I missed you, like, a lot, an unhealthy amount.
What happened? Are you okay?
I am actually the best I've ever been.
But please, okay,
you need to promise me that we will never ever fight again.
What? We would never fight.
Mostly because you let me watch movies all day.
Well, about that, I was thinking that we cut back on the movies.
- You're right, totally right. - Yeah.
I could stop whenever I want.
They're unimportant to me.
Erm... How about one a day?
How about none a week?
Okay, tough but fair.
Yeah, like my leg hair.
- [laughs] - TMI. Okay. I gotta get in there.
Okay, bye.
- Whoa. - Let's go.
[American accent] Perfect. Let's get some coffee.
Actually, I don't do that.
What do you do?
Take a seat, darl, you'll find out.
I think you'll find it very... beguiling.
[boss] Natalie.
I'm presenting my idea for his hotel.
We're not doing that yet.
Well, I am. I'm ready.
Ow! Oh.
Okay, Mr. Lewis, I've been thinking a lot lately about what we value,
what we deem worthy of investing our time and love
and, of course, our money into, so...
as we design your exciting new hotel,
I would like to first focus on the parking garage.
The parking garage?
Yep.
Think about it. They're dark... they're closed off.
[chuckles] Nobody ever really notices them.
But what if we open them up?
What if we actually...
made something of them?
Made them bright and airy...
and there were glass walls everywhere?
And then, suddenly...
something that was invisible,
something nobody ever cared about
or looked twice at...
suddenly, they're not invisible anymore.
People actually look at them and...
see beauty.
They see something...
at least.
I think that could be, like, really special.
[Blake] Hm.
It's actually not a bad idea.
Thank you.
It's actually a great idea, that I thought of.
And I'm just gonna get started on it.
All right, let's do it.
Okay, I'll see you guys later. Peace out.
What does beguiling mean?
[dance music playing]
And you! You need to stop living in a fantasy land.
Hello? Hello?
Hello, Josh!
Oh. Hey.
- Yeah, okay. - What's up, Nat?
You need to stop staring out that window
at some stupid girl in some stupid little swimsuit.
Okay? That's not all it's cracked up to be.
You need to start living in the real world,
and stop thinking that you're gonna get with some model,
and that that's gonna make you happy.
You done?
Okay, here, take a seat.
Come on, sit down.
- You're not-- - Come on.
- You're not pushing me again? - No, no, no, no.
Hang on. Okay.
- [sighs] - Stay right there, don't move.
Just...
[sighs]
So what do you see when you look at the billboard?
[mouths]
I was lookin' at you.
I'm always lookin' at you.
Josh...
You're such an idiot.
Okay.
- Well! - [chuckles]
Maybe we should go out sometime, then.
- Yeah. - Yeah.
- If you wanted to. - That'd be great.
Okay. Yeah, good. Good-- Great. Great.
- Yeah, let's... - Yeah.
Why are we talkin' like we're angry with each other?
I don't know. I was just on a roll this morning, and now I'm...
Now I'm really happy. [chuckles]
So, uh, this weekend?
Karaoke or something?
Yeah, that'd be...
Yeah. I mean, I might outshine you, but...
- Okay, all right. - Cool.
- Yeah, it should... --This is gonna take a long time.
That one takes a while sometimes.
- [bell dings] - Okay, there it is.
[mouths]
[clears throat]
[elevator dings]
[panting] Oh...
Wait, did you just run down the stairs?
I'm trying to be calm, but where are you going?
I'm just getting a coffee.
'Cause I'm now my own coffee bitch.
I just wanted to say I'm so proud of you. Upstairs was amazing.
Just to be clear, Josh does not complete me.
I complete myself.
You know, God...
Even though you were so cynical,
it looks like you have the dream job, the guy that really likes you,
the really cool best friend, me...
It's like you are in one of those love stories that you hate so much.
Yeah, all I need now is some catchy musical number.
♪ Come on, girls ♪
♪ Do you believe in love? ♪
♪ 'Cause I got somethin' to say about it ♪
♪ And it goes somethin' like this ♪
♪ Huh ♪
♪ Don't go for second best, baby ♪
♪ Put your love to the test ♪
♪ You know, you know you've got to ♪
♪ Got to express how you feel ♪
♪ And maybe then You'll know your love is real, yeah ♪
♪ You don't need diamond rings ♪
♪ Or 18-karat gold ♪
♪ Fancy cars that go very fast ♪
♪ You know they never last no, no ♪
♪ Oh, what you need is a big strong hand ♪
- ♪ To lift you to your higher ground ♪ - ♪ Ooh, lift to your higher ground ♪
♪ Make you feel like a queen on a throne ♪
♪ Ooh, make him love you Till you can't come down ♪
♪ Don't go for second best, baby ♪
♪ Put your love to the test ♪
♪ You know, you know you've got to ♪
♪ Got to express how you feel ♪
♪ And maybe then You'll know your love is real ♪
♪ Long-stem roses Are the way to your heart ♪
♪ But he needs to start with your head ♪
♪ Satin sheets are very romantic ♪
♪ What happens when you're not in bed? ♪
♪ Mm ♪
♪ You deserve the best in life ♪
♪ So if the time isn't right Then move on ♪
♪ Move on, yeah ♪
♪ Second best is never enough ♪
♪ You'll do much better, baby ♪
- ♪ On your own ♪ - ♪ On my own ♪
♪ Yeah ♪
♪ Don't go for second best, baby ♪
♪ Put your love to the test ♪
♪ You know, you know you've got to ♪
♪ Got to express how you feel ♪
♪ And maybe then You'll know your love is real ♪
♪ Express yourself ♪
[all panting]
Oh... [horn beeps] ...it's hot.
♪ Oh, yeah, we with it ♪
♪ Yeah, yeah, we with me, with me With someone who get me ♪
♪ What do you give me, give me? Yeah, yeah, we with it ♪
♪ Yeah, yeah, we with it ♪
♪ Yeah, we stay with it from beginning To be in it ♪
♪ I'mma do it my way ♪
♪ Don't they know it's my way? ♪
♪ I'll just do my thing 'Cause I like the way I do it ♪
♪ I'mma do it my way ♪
♪ I'mma, I'mma do it my way ♪
- ♪ Oh, oh ♪ - ♪ My way ♪
♪ And we say oh ♪
- ♪ Oh ♪ - ♪ How you like me now? ♪
♪ Got you feelin' my side I see you any time ♪
- ♪ Hit you, like, ow ♪ - ♪ Oh ♪
♪ Yeah, I can't compromise ♪
♪ 'Cause I'm nothin' like it I just try it ♪
- ♪ Singin' I'mma do it my way ♪ - ♪ Oh ♪
♪ Don't they know it's my way? ♪
♪ I'll just do my thing 'Cause I like the way I do it ♪
- ♪ I'mma do it my way ♪ - ♪ Oh ♪
♪ Don't they know it's my way? ♪
♪ I'll just do my thing ♪
♪ 'Cause I like the way I do it ♪
- ♪ I'mma do it my way ♪ - ♪ Oh ♪
- ♪ I'mma, I'mma do it my way ♪
- ♪ Oh, oh ♪ - ♪ My way ♪